บทความ : เทคนิคการออกเดทจากโน๊ตอุดม
วันพุธ, 16. กันยายน 2009
สำหรับสาวๆที่กำลังจะมีเดทกับชายหนุ่มแล้วหล่ะก้อ…นี่คงเป็นเทคนิคเล็กๆ
น้อยๆ สำหรับเพื่อนๆ นะค่ะ…
เนื่องจากเราได้ชายหนุ่ม ซึ่งเป็นปุถุชน พูดจาดีมีศีล 5 มาคนหนึ่งแล้ว
เขาจะเป็นโรคช่างหมั่นโทรมาหาเราบ่อย ๆ จนคิดว่า
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แต่อย่าตกใจไป เขาไม่ได้โทรมาขายประกัน แต่เขาจะโทรมาขอความรักต่างหาก
เค้าจะโทรมาวันละหลาย ๆ ครั้ง ถามสารทุกข์สุขดิบ รายงานว่ากำลังทำอะไรอยู่
หรือบางทีอาจจะรายงานสภาพการจราจร
จนถึงจุดหนึ่งแล้วเค้าจะชวนเราไปออกเดท… หลายคนอาจดีใจมาก ไม่คิดว่า
เกิดมาชาตินี้จะได้ออกเดท แต่ขอให้เก็บอาการไว้นิดนึง
อาจจะต้องตอบปฏิเสธไปก่อนเพื่อนให้ตัวเอง มีค่าเช่น “
จะดีหรือคุณ……เราพึ่งรู้จักกันนะ” หรือ
“ฉันคงติดประชุมสมาคมผู้ค้าส่งสุกรส่งออกค่ะ”
ขอแนะนำให้เจอกันครึ่งทางคือ การไปออกเดทรอบ Preview ก่อน
อาจจะเป็นเซเว่นหน้าปากซอย ไปเดินป้อนบิ๊กเปาหน้าเคาท์เตอร์ แคชเชียร์ เอา
Foot Long มาไล่ตีกัน เหอะๆ..กระหนุงกระหนิง
การไปเดทรอบ Preview นั้น ก็ถือเป็นการทดลองสินค้าก่อนตัดสินใจไปซัก 2-3
รอบ ถ้าถูกใจค่อยออกไปเดทรอบจริง…… แต่ทีนี้ก็มาถึงวันสำคัญ
สำหรับมือใหม่หัดเดท
ก่อนออกจากบ้านอาจจะรู้สึกประหม่าไม่มั่นใจ เหมือนขาดผ้าอนามัยในวันมามาก
เสื้อผ้าอาจจะเปลี่ยนแล้วเปลี่ยนอีก ยิ่งกว่านางแบบหลังแคทวอล์ก
หรือถ้าไม่ดีขึ้น อาจจะลองไปวิ่งรอบวงเวียนใหญ่แบบทวนเข็มนาฬิกาสัก 7รอบ
จะหายตื่นเต้นเป็นปลิดทิ้ง (กลายเป็นเหนื่อยแทน)
การออกเดทแบบ Basic คือต้องไปดูหนังโรแมนติกถึงโรแมนติกคอมเมดี้เป็นอย่างต่ำ
เช่น Notting Hill หรือเถี่ยนมีมี่เวลาดูจะได้ซ้ำอินไปกับหนัง
ฉากที่พระเอกสารภาพรักกับเพื่อนนังอิจฉาในหนังก็สวีทกันไป มือของเราทั้ง 2
ก็มาสัมผัสกันโดยบังเอิญในถุงป๊อปคอร์น กระแสไฟฟ้าสถิตย์ก็สปาร์คขึ้น
เราทั้งคู่ชักมือออกจากถุงพร้อมกัน ป๊อปคอร์นกระจายเต็มพื้น
ตาประสานกันและยิ้มให้กันโดยมิได้นัดหมาย ตอนนี้แหละโรแม้นสุดๆ
กรุณาค้างไว้นานๆ ห้ามก้มเก็บป๊อปคอร์นที่ตกพื้นขึ้นมากินเด็ดขาด
เดี๋ยวเค้าจะหาว่าเราไร้อารยธรรม
พอออกจากโรงหนังถ้าเค้าถือโอกาสจับมือเรา อย่าพึ่งให้เค้าจับนะครับ
เดี๋ยวสื่อมวลชนจะลงข่าว หาว่าเราใจง่าย
บอกกับเค้าว่าเราเพิ่งรู้จักกันอย่าพึ่งจับมือเลย
ถ้าเค้าเป็นคนไม่ใช่กระบือพูดดีๆ มีเหตุผลก็น่าจะเข้าใจ
แต่ถ้าพูดไม่ฟังแนะนำให้คลุกวงใน แล้วตีเข่าสั่งสอนได้เลย
และตามด้วยหนุมานถวายแหวนจะทำให้พูดง่ายขึ้น 3%
ดูหนังเสร็จก็ต้องกินข้าว ขอแนะนำให้กินอาหารที่กินง่ายๆ
อย่ากินอาหารที่กินยาก ยิ่งพวกปะหมี่อะไรพวกเนี้ย ลืมไปได้เลย ลองคิดดูสิ
ถ้าชวนกันไปกินชายสี่หมี่เกี๊ยวจะเป็นไง โอโห….นั่งดูดบะหมี่น้ำซุปกระจาย
หากดูดแรงไปจะทำให้เส้นบะหมี่ไปฟาดหน้าเค้า เสียโฉมขึ้นมาล่ะแย่เลย อีกอย่าง
ก๋วยเตี๋ยวจะมีส่วนผสมของผักชีต้นหอม กินเสร็จก็มักจะติดฟัน
ผมก็มีวิธีมาแนะนำ “กินอย่างไรให้สวย”
ขั้นแรกต้องสั่งก๋วยเตี๋ยวน้ำ เส้นอะไรก็ได้แล้วแต่ชอบ อันนี้ไม่บังคับ
วิธีกินให้คีบก๋วยเตี๋ยวใส่ช้อนทีละประมาณ 2 ลูกบาศก์เซนติเมตร
แล้วค่อย ๆประคองเข้าปากนั่นแหละ…อ้ำทีละคำ 2 คำ
สลับกับตักน้ำซุปแก้ติดคอ แต่เดี๋ยวก่อน !น้ำซุปอย่าพึ่งซดหมดนะคะ…
เหลือติดชามไว้สัก 7 ลูกบาศก์เซนติเมตร เอาไว้กลั้วปากป้องกันผักติดฟัน
หลังจากเที่ยวกันหนำใจแล้ว ก็ควรรีบกลับบ้าน เด็กดีปี2000
ไม่ควรกลับบ้านดึกนะครับ เดี๋ยวพ่อแม่จะเป็นห่วง
แน่นอนเค้าต้องมาส่งเราถึงหน้าบ้าน แต่ถ้าเค้าทำท่าทางเป็นอิดออด
เราก็จำเป็นต้องใช้เสน่ห์หญิงสาว 300 เล่มเกวียน หลอกล่อให้เค้ามาส่งจนได้
เพราะเป็นหญิงสาวไม่ควรกลับบ้านคนเดียว)
ก่อนลงจากรถควรมีคำพูดดี ๆ ให้เค้าจำจนโลกแตกไปเลยว่า
“เดี๊ยนไม่เคยสุดเหวี่ยงอย่างนี้มาก่อนเลยค่ะ” หรือ
“คุณค่ะ…บ้านฉันอยู่อีกซอยค่ะ”
เพียงเท่านี้เองก็จบวันแรกสำหรับมือใหม่หัดเดทแล้วนะค่ะ…
ใครอ่านแล้วไม่ Fwd ต่อ ขอให้ขึ้นคาน …. สาธุ
อิ อิ หวังว่า เกร็ด ดี ๆ แบบนี้ จะทำให้สมาคมคานทองนิเวศน์
ลดจำนวนประชากรไปได้อีกเยอะนะ ฮ่า ฮ่า ฮ่า
ที่มา : http://atcloud.com/stories
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