ด้วยรักและห่วงใย จากมือที่สาม
วันอังคาร, 29. กันยายน 2009
สัมพันธภาพของทุกคนในครอบครัวเป็นสิ่งสำคัญในการดำเนินชีวิต
หนุ่มสาวที่มีความรักความผูกพันต่อกัน ย่อมมีความคิดคำนึง มีจิตใจ มีความต้องการที่จะอยู่ใกล้ชิดกัน มีจินตนาการที่อยากจะอยู่ในโลกส่วนตัว ที่มีแต่เขาเพียงลำพังไม่อยากยุ่งเกี่ยวกับใคร ไม่อยากให้ใครมายุ่งเกี่ยว ประหนึ่งว่าอยากให้โลกนี้มีแต่คู่ของเขาเท่านั้น โดยเฉพาะในช่วงที่ยังลุ่มหลงลุ่มรักต่อคู่ชีวิตของตน
ความเป็นส่วนตัว อิสระที่ต้องการ
ในความเป็นจริงแล้วสังคมของทั้งคู่ต่างมีพ่อแม่ ญาติพี่น้อง ดังนั้นทั้งคู่จึงไม่สามารถที่จะหลีกเลี่ยงการมีสัมพันธภาพและทำความรู้จัก กับสมาชิกของครอบครัวแต่ละฝ่ายได้เลย เริ่มแรกสัมพันธภาพกับญาติพี่น้องของคู่รักนั้นจะเป็นไปเพื่อการให้ความเป็น คู่รักดำเนินไปสู่การแต่งงาน แต่หลังจากแต่งงานแล้วก็จะมีเรื่องสายสัมพันธ์กับญาติๆ ของทั้งคู่
ขณะเดียวกันทั้งคู่ก็ยังต้องการมีชีวิตอยู่ในโลกของตัวเอง อยากให้ครอบครัวมีความเป็นตัวของตัวเอง อยากมีความอิสระในบรรยากาศของตน ต้องการความเรียบง่ายในกรอบของตนเองตามลำพัง อยากทำอะไร อยากไปไหนๆ อยากหวานชื่นต่อกัน อยากจะนั่งอิงแอบต่อกันในห้องรับแขกที่บ้านของตนเอง อยากแสดงความรักต่อกันด้วยการโอบกอดอย่างสะดวกใจในความเป็นส่วนตัว หรืออยากจะฟังเพลง ดูโทรทัศน์ ช้อปปิ้ง ดูภาพยนตร์ อยากกินอะไรก็ทำกินกันเอง อย่างเป็นอิสระ
ผ่อนปรนถ้อยทีถ้อยอาศัย
แต่ในช่วงที่ทั้งคู่ต้องการความเป็นอิสระและมีกรอบนั้น พ่อแม่ของแต่ละฝ่ายก็ยังมีสายใยกับลูกของตัวเองอยู่แม้จะรู้ว่าลูกโตแล้วก็ ตาม ด้วยความเป็นวัฒนธรรมอย่างไทยๆ ที่สายใยของพ่อแม่ที่มีต่อลูกนั้นแน่นแฟ้น ยาวนานและยาวไกล โดยเราจะสังเกตเห็นจากปู่ย่าตายายที่มีอายุมากถึง 80 หรือ 90 ปี ก็ยังอดห่วงลูกของตนไม่ได้ ถ้ามีโอกาสก็ยังต้องการมาดูแลเอาใจใส่อยู่ สายใยที่พ่อแม่มีให้ลูกนั้น โดยธรรมชาติแล้วย่อมมีมาก มีนาน และคงเส้นคงวามากกว่าที่ลูกจะมีให้พ่อแม่ของตัวเอง ดังนั้นด้วยวัฒนธรรมไทยจึงไปเปลี่ยนแปลงความรู้สึกของพ่อแม่ได้ยาก ซึ่งลูกเขยและลูกสะใภ้ทุกคนต้องยอมรับความจริง ไม่ควรรู้สึกอึดอัด ไม่ควรรู้สึกว่าเป็นมือที่สาม ควรผ่อนปรน และยอมรับให้ผู้ใหญ่แสดงความห่วงใย และข้ามเข้ามาสู่กรอบแดนของเราได้
แต่คุณพ่อ (ตา/ปู่) คุณแม่ (ยาย/ย่า) ทุกท่านก็ต้องเข้าใจธรรมชาติ และจิตวิทยาของคู่หนุ่มสาวด้วยว่าลูกโตแล้ว และต้องการความเป็นส่วนตัว ลูกสะใภ้ก็อยากอยู่ตามลำพังกับสามีของเขา ลูกเขยก็อยากมีชีวิตตามลำพังกับภรรยา เขาไม่ได้อยากอยู่ตามลำพังกับพ่อแม่สามีหรือพ่อแม่ตายาย ที่ไม่ได้คุ้นเคยกันมาแต่อ้อนแต่ออก แล้ววิถีชีวิตที่ไม่ได้คุ้นเคยกันมาตั้งแต่เด็กๆ จะให้มาใกล้ชิดสนิทสนมเหมือนพ่อแม่แท้ๆ นั้น คงทำได้ยาก ส่วนนี้ผู้ใหญ่ต้องเข้าใจด้วย
ถ้าต่างถ้อยทีถ้อยอาศัย คู่หนุ่มสาวก็ควรพยายามเข้าใจผู้ใหญ่ ผู้ใหญ่ก็ควรพยายามเข้าใจคู่หนุ่มสาว เมื่อเข้าใจกัน ก็จะทำให้เกิดความสบายใจ มีความสุข รู้สึกสะดวกใจ และเป็นตัวของตัวเอง มีอารมณ์เป็นกลางอย่างแจ่มใส ซึ่งทำให้คู่หนุ่มสาวพร้อมที่จะเติบโตเป็นผู้ใหญ่ที่มั่นใจในตัวเอง และพร้อมที่จะเป็นพ่อเป็นแม่ในเวลาอันไม่ช้า
อยู่ที่ยอมรับกันและกัน
คู่หนุ่มสาวที่สุขใจนี้จะเกิดความรู้สึกที่ดีๆ กับผู้ใหญ่ จะรู้สึกเคารพ มั่นใจ และไว้ใจ ซึ่งความรู้สึกนี้จะค่อยๆ เพาะตัวเป็นทวีคูณ กลายเป็นความรู้สึกผูกพันที่มีความเอื้ออาทร แล้วเกิดความรู้สึกรัก และผูกพันว่าพ่อสามีแม่สามีหรือพ่อตาแม่ยายก็เหมือนพ่อแม่ของตน
ในปรัชญาของศาสนาพุทธให้แนวคิดไว้ว่า “คนที่มีความสุขจะให้ความสุขกับคนอื่นได้ง่าย ส่วนคนที่มีความทุกข์หรือมีความสุขน้อยจะให้ความสุขกับคนอื่นได้ยาก” ดังนั้นคู่หนุ่มสาวที่มีความสุข ก็จะมีความเอื้ออาทรและให้ความสุขความเข้าใจกับญาติผู้ใหญ่ของคู่รักของตน ได้ง่ายอย่างเป็นธรรมชาติ และตัวคู่หนุ่มสาวเองก็จะเกิดความรู้สึกที่ดีๆ ต่อกัน และรักกันมากขึ้น
ในทำนองเดียวกัน คู่หนุ่มสาวก็ต้องเข้าใจธรรมชาติของผู้ใหญ่ด้วยว่าอย่างไรเสียเขาก็ยังรัก ยังห่วงใย และต้องมีความเอื้ออาทร ห่วงใยต่อลูกเขาอยู่ดี ไม่ว่าจะกี่วัน กี่เดือน กี่ปี ถ้าคู่หนุ่มสาวเข้าใจประเด็นนี้ ยอมรับการไต่ถาม ยอมรับการก้าวข้ามเข้ามาในกรอบแดนของตนบ้าง ซึ่งในความเป็นจริงแล้วการทำเช่นนี้ของผู้ใหญ่เป็นการเข้ามาด้วยความห่วงใย ความรัก ต้องการยื่นมือเข้ามาช่วยด้วย นึกว่าเรายังเป็นเด็กอยู่ การยอมรับท่านบ้าง ก็ทำให้ท่านรู้สึกเป็นสุข มีความภาคภูมิใจในตนเองว่า แม้จะเป็นคนแก่คนเก่าลูกๆ ก็ยังให้การนับถือ ความสุขและความภาคภูมิใจที่เกิดขึ้นในจิตใจผู้ใหญ่จะทำให้ท่านเข้าใจเราง่าย ขึ้น เกรงใจในความเป็นส่วนตัวของเรามากขึ้น รับฟังความเห็น และความต้องการของเรามากขึ้น
การที่ท่านจะเข้ามาเป็นมือที่สามที่ยื่นมือมาด้วยความปรารถนาดี ด้วยความรัก ความอบอุ่นอันจะเป็นพลังเสริมให้กับครอบครัวใหม่ของหนุ่มสาวเป็นอย่างดี แล้วด้วยความเป็นครอบครัวใหม่ที่เริ่มออกเดิน ซึ่งเส้นทางนี้จะยาวไกลและยาวนาน ตลอดเส้นทางจะต้องเจออุปสรรคที่ลุ่มๆ ดอนๆ ดังนั้นเมื่อเจอกับอุปสรรค ไม่ว่าจะเป็นภายในภายนอกครอบครัว ทั้งเรื่องเจ็บป่วย เศรษฐกิจ จนในที่สุดเมื่อต้องมีลูก ขณะที่เราต้องทำงานอย่างหนัก ญาติผู้ใหญ่ของแต่ละฝ่ายจะเป็นผู้ที่พร้อมจะช่วยครอบครัวใหม่ด้วยความเอื้อ อาทรห่วงใย และมีความบริสุทธิ์ใจเสมอ
ดังนั้น ก็อย่าเพิ่งรำคาญผู้ใหญ่ และผู้ใหญ่เองก็ต้องวางใจ และวางอารมณ์เป็นกลาง ให้เขามีความเป็นตัวของตัวเอง ร่วมกับความเอื้ออาทรที่จะคอยช่วยเหลือเมื่อยามที่ต้องช่วย ก็จะทำให้ทั้งครอบครัวและผู้ใหญ่ประสานกันด้วยความรัก ความสะดวก และความสบายใจ และมีความสุข
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196 คอมเม้นต์ สำหรับ “ด้วยรักและห่วงใย จากมือที่สาม”
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